Showing posts tagged ellejay.

Just a Friend && A Complicated Soul

Ask Lety   Talk to me   Elle Jay   

Just a Gal Wanting Something Extraordinary!! :) The Names Lety. 21. California Grown <3

You are something else

It has almost been a year since the last time i had to deal with this. 

You are so funny for having me feel like either something could happen or nothing could. why must you be so incredibly confusing? You tell our friend one thing but your actions say something else or your actions say one thing but you say something different. why are you playing bullshit games? you know i don’t like them. But also why are you shallow and rude? to tell her if i would put make up on or put a litttle bit more effort and then you would go out with me.. as if i get ready to please somebody like you. bitch you got me fucked up. i will get ready for myself and myself only. I know i look incredible when i actually put some effort but i sure as hell do not want to get ready every single fucking day. how are you going to say that you know me but suggest this bullshit? i am upset with you because i thought we were finally fine after ALLL the stuff we’ve beeen through. apparently not. you are causing me to get excited for Tuesdays and Thursdays. what makes me upset is this waiting thing. you best believe i will not be the one to say something first again. the ball is in your court. you told our friend and how would she not say something to me? it is as though you wanted her to tell me. all i know is that i cannot think about anything else. once a fucking ‘gain you have me feeling some type of way. 

-Just a Friend && a Complicated Soul 

— 1 day ago
#courage over fear  #feeling some type of way  #why is this going down again?  #actions speaks louder than words  #words speak louder than actions?  #This whole thing has me fucked up  #shallow or nah?  #october 19 2014  #ellejay 
What am I doing with my life?

I haven’t written anything in a long time and I feel like i need this more than ever.

I chose to live in a house with some of my sorority sisters. i didn’t think much of it. all i thought was this is going to help me bond more with my sisters because i didn’t do much of that my first two semester. 

from day one i knew i had instantly made a mistake. i should have lived with somebody else but there was nobody else. i couldn’t live with my old roommates because i don’t think they liked living with me. i recently found out my current roommates don’t like living with me either. there is a correlation and that is me. i am the common denominator. i don’t know what i do to make them not enjoy living with me. i constantly feel lonely in a house filled with women.

i am hardly home because i do not feel welcomed.

i pay rent yet i still feel like a visitor.

i am disrespected. 

i do not feel at home. 

i am sick and tired of this.

  it is just a house i’m living in for a year.  i don’t know what the problem is nor do i know how to fix it. also i cannot be the only one wanting to fix this situation. i write this and i cry because i know there is no coming back from this. i know i have lost yet another friendship or friendships.

— 1 month ago
#ellejay  #sorority roommates  #lonely  #what did i do to deserve this?  #visitor in own home  #what is my problem?  #courage over fear 
Just a Friend Once Again

Thats what I needed to see. I fucked up by catching some bs when I know way, way deeeeeep down it wouldnt have work out. I genuinely thought this person would give me a shot bc he is “different”. Haha No! He just played his game differently. Its not as if I wanted a serious relationship from him but just a good time. Instead I get left with is some sly remarks that really end up meaning nothing. He did his shit so undercover that i didnt see anything. What a terrible thing to do.. This sucks but it is definitely a lesson. I feel like im learning all these lessons.

-Just a Friend && A Complicated Soul

— 3 months ago
#ellejay  #he is in bed with her  #i knew it all along  #undercover played  #can I go to bed now?  #five o clock thoughts  #maybe its not a good idea to post this now  #fuck it  #carpe diem 
Meant to be

I strongly don’t like this phrase. My friends told me I was meant to be with this person. We always said “no, that will never happen.”  and it never did even if at one point i believed it. However there is something comforting that nothing will ever happen. After the whole incident we have grown closer than ever. 

— 5 months ago
#ellejay  #I didnt plan this  #This went to a total different direction then intended  #This is a good thing  #we are close and its wonderful  #there is no awkwardness  #courage over fear 

You said “goodnight” and I said “goodbye”. I don’t think you know I meant to say “goodbye forever. The door has closen on us. I’m tired of reading in between the lines.” I said “goodbye” but as weeks pass I don’t know if I want to truly mean goodbye or if I mean something completely different. Part of me is a hopeless romantic and the other part is a realist. I’m stuck here hoping you’d realize you want me. You want my mind, body, and soul. That is a lot to ask for… But is it really? I would like for you to do some kind of grand gesture but I know you never will. I want to do the grand gesture but I bet you don’t want it.. I want to kiss him. Hold him. Be with him. I should say “goodbye” for good this time. I should realize nothing will ever happen again and I should know nothing could ever happen. 

— 8 months ago
#ellejay  #goodnight  #goodbye  #read between the lines  #things will never change  #fuck this shit 
im at the place again..

im at the place i hate.. i am not sure i even left this place. i buried you deep inside and now you are slowly getting unbaried. the part that i wonder is why is this happening now.. why cant i get you out of my head.. you left me with nothing but a fucking last name! i hate you soo much! i hate what you have done to me.. i hate that i cant trust because of you. i hate you soo much! i shouldn’t have this much hate in my heart.. i think of you && i am crying so much.. i’m hyperventilating because i cant do it anymore.. i need you to get out of my head.. you damaged me and i don’t think you even care.. you don’t know the damage you did. you left. how can you leave? i don’t want to be here. i waste a tremendous amount of tears on you.. i wonder if there will ever be a time where i don’t think of you. i wish you were erased from my memory.

i wish i never asked question.

i wish i never knew. 

-a complicated soul

— 9 months ago
#ellejay  #i am not okay  #courage over fear?  #why is this happening?  #being hurt  #hate  #hate in my heart  #a complicated soul  #fuck all these tears  #fuck crying  #fuck this 
there is just something about this photo that I absolutely love! It may be because my tattoo is in it or that my hair is curled &amp;&amp; I have make up on or even the half ass smile i have or maybe my big ass eyes.. i dont know but i do know is that i feel completely BEAUTIFUL in this picturee! Isn’t that what counts? Anyways, here is to another day in my lifee with this amazing tattoo!

there is just something about this photo that I absolutely love! It may be because my tattoo is in it or that my hair is curled && I have make up on or even the half ass smile i have or maybe my big ass eyes.. i dont know but i do know is that i feel completely BEAUTIFUL in this picturee! Isn’t that what counts? Anyways, here is to another day in my lifee with this amazing tattoo!

— 10 months ago with 1 note
#ellejay  #courage over fear  #feeling beautiful  #simple but i love it  #living my life  #team tatted 

I’ve noticed lately I haven’t been wearing any make up. Maybe its a good thing bc I have been crying a lot these past couple of weeks.

— 11 months ago
#ellejay  #no makeup.  #this is what it has come to 

Currently there is soo much going on in my head i can’t bare it.

Tumblr has become a form of therapy. I can never find the right words but on here everybody has the right words. it’s like it knows what’s going on in my life. it has all these posts that i can relate to. i know tumblr is going to help me when i need it too..

Something else is helping me stay glued together…

my very dear friends..

i dont like to post names but i think she will be okay with it. my very loving friend, Meghan has been helping me soo much! i dont know if she knows how much but she has. thank you to her for having such a huge heart that is willing to deal with me. today was a hoot because when i was talking or should i say crying to her i mentioned my blog. i said “sorry im a complicated person, oh wait im just a friend and a complicated soul.. my blog”

my other friend or sister gives me the best advice anyone could ask for. when she gives me advice, i have to listen because there is something great in her words.. i am thankful to her everyday.

there are different people that help me in different ways but these two have helped me recently in the best ways.

there are soo many pieces to this puzzle i call my life..i want to give up but i know i have to have the COURAGE to continue on. It is going to take some time to get OVER it but i cannot have FEAR right now.. 

- a Complicated Soul…

— 11 months ago
#ellejay  #life  #complicated soul  #courage over fear  #therapy in tumblr  #thank you meghan  #dip until my last breath  #just a friend  #long ass post  #sorry not sorry  #this is real life  #111313 
Feelings are no goood

Soo it didn’t work out in my favor. It’s all good in the hood. Keep it moving.

— 11 months ago with 1 note
#ElleJay  #Fuck feelings  #umm no  #a little sad but oh well  #keep it moving  #111213 
I feel things for you


apparently i have them. i have them for somebody which is the craziest part. i feel something for him. i feel like i want him near me all the time. i feel like i want to tell him my life story. i feel like i want to tell him about my day. i want him to know me. i feel lie he knows everything already. some might say it is going to end horribly. i say it has not even really started.

i want to experience something different. i have been single for a long time && i know i am ready for change.maybe he will be my change. maybe not. i feel like i have been thinking about him more and more everyday. he was not suppose to be that for me. he was suppose to be my buddy. something changed.

-Complicated Soul

— 11 months ago with 1 note
#ElleJay  #feelings  #life  #is this real life?  #changing things on me  #i wonder how you feel  #can i please get you in a room  #i wanna talk about it  #this is too girlie for me  #fuck feelings  #11113 
I need a friend to talk to..

I was sad for a moment.. I’m not sure why I was thinking about that. It has been so long since Ive thought about you. You need to leave my thoughts. Just get out!! My life is better without you!! Get out!! Leave! Get out, get out, get out

— 1 year ago
#ellejay  #personal  #fuck you  #no more sadness 
Sigma Kappa!! 
This is something completely different than what I&#8217;m used to. Hopefully I enjoy my time with them. I&#8217;m hopeful I&#8217;ll eventually feel at home.

Sigma Kappa!!
This is something completely different than what I’m used to. Hopefully I enjoy my time with them. I’m hopeful I’ll eventually feel at home.

— 1 year ago
#ellejay  #Sigma Kappa  #My first friend  #ΣΚ  #bid day  #fall 2013  #not my first choice but maybe one day  #cant live in regret  #courage over fear  #Lety Jenkins a Sigma K?